Road Tripping

Ponderable question for you Road Dog's travelling during the holidays: Why do they do that?
Airports...forget the illusions of porno scanners and the pervert pat downs, just answer me this: does anyone ever go "just the right speed" to get through the security checkpoints?
On the way out, there's the guy painstakingly going through his own carry-on, piece by piece, before it goes on the belt, as the line behind him stretches beyond the Starbucks counter in the main concourse. So the next guy in line makes a move to pass and, you know it, guy #1 raises holy hell for cutting the line.
Then the Dog barely gets a hand on one of those rubber-maiden gray bucket tray things when "Mr. $100-a-week-executive" is crawling up your back with blue teeth ears and blackberried iPhones. Take a 'lude, dude, you're not that necessary to the success of your company, or my life. It would be tragic if my Swiss Army knife, butane lighter and autographed picture of bin Laden somehow ended up in your carry on bag.
Airports... then the herd is migrating down the concourse between planes...wall-to-wall wild-e-beasts migrating....and someone comes to a spontaneous complete stop for no apparent reason. WTF? How does it feel to get trampled?
Airports, next question, why would several of these wild-e-beasts decide to stop in the middle of the herd and have a chat about gawd knows what -- and then look peeved when 10+ people have to "excuse me" to get by them?
Airplanes... carry-on bags. Simple idea, really, one under the seat, one in the overhead, or gate check. We've all figured out how to skirt the bag fees by now, right? Okay, so seriously, why would someone want to vehemently argue with the gate agent that her cello will fit in the overhead compartment? Really?
Airplanes...turn off the GD cellphone Harpo, you're not that important. If you are so desperate to "stay connected" that the flight attendant has to ask you twice to shut if off, then you should have stayed home. Several of us would have gladly helped you off the plane.
Hotels... the doors on most hotel rooms really can actually be shut quietly. I know it's really fun just to let them slam shut all by themselves, but even the dumbest of asses should be able to figure out someone's going to hurt them if they keep banging the doors at 2:30 in the morning. Nothing like a "brawl in the hall" of a 4-star hotel. The Dog witnessed that one... highlight of the trip.
Hotels...God knows the Dog enjoys a good night out, but none of the people along your hallway really want to hear you and your tanked buddies do a loud mouth play-by-play recap of the evening's adventures in the "club". Again, you're not that cool, Dipwad, and I'm guessing most of the girls you were talking about agreed with me. That's why you and your fellow brotherhood of morons are coming back alone.
Hotels...Parents, please control your darling children. The hallways are not running tracks, playgrounds, or soccer fields. Screaming kids should be gagged and their parents exiled to the Chuck E. Cheese Arms.
Hotels finale...I'll admit it, I did go around to the loudmouths rooms and turned all of their "Do Not Disturb" signs around to "Make Up My Room Early" signs. Then slammed my door a few dozen times around 5 am and turned the TV up to about 20 on the Richter scale.
Breakfast was enjoyable that day.
Who has to grow up?
Stay tuned... you know there'll be more.